Can y’all relate to feeling bummed out when runners don’t “Good Morning!” you back on your daily jog? Does it make you a little crushed when people don’t quite get your jokes? Do you have this need for everyone around you to like you? Then you and I are probably a lot alike. Like comedian John Mulaney, who would accept an unwanted Best Buy Rewards card for the approval of a stranger, I am a people pleaser.
When Jesus really stepped into my life and I started to learn more about him, I realized that my desire to be liked by everyone around me was really my heart crying out for acceptance and understanding. And even though I found friends who accepted and understood me, and loved me deeply, there were still times where I felt abandoned or let down. The temporary approval of my friends and family didn’t satisfy my soul. The kind of acceptance and understanding I yearned for could only be found in the arms of a loving savior.
Is there something wrong with “people-pleasing?”
There is, when it conflicts with our greater responsibility, to serve a Savior. We find ourselves torn and pulled, and even sometimes led astray, to please one another. We please people under the guise of Jesus’ command to love them.
In John 13:34, Jesus says “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” Jesus wants us to love one another as He has loved us. Jesus’ love for us is radical and selfless. And I’m ashamed to say people-pleasing is neither. Pleasing people allows us to remain in our comfort zone, where we don’t feel threatened. Loving people means we sometimes have to exit that comfort zone, to speak truth even when it’s not comfortable, to give generously of even the things we hold most dear, to be like Christ.
Is there Biblical evidence for this?
Paul demonstrates this in Galatians when he speaks truth to the churches in Galatia by reiterating that the work of Christ nullifies the old covenant of the law. At the time, a false gospel had been spread in the area, suggesting that saved Christians still needed to follow the laws in the Torah. Paul knows the Galatians don’t want to hear his news, but because he serves God, and because he loves the Galatians in a radical way, he speaks anyway.
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
Ouch. That was convicting. But Paul directly addresses what we’ve been talking about here! Yes, what he has to say is not what the Galatians want to hear, but his job (and our job) is to serve God, which takes precedence over all else.
You might be thinking, “but Rachel, Paul was just talking to his acquaintances, it’s not like he had to speak an uncomfortable truth to one of his close friends, not one of his besties!” Oh but he did. Later in Galatians 2, he describes confronting Peter about eating with the Jews instead of joining Gentiles and breaking down the boundaries that were erased by Christ’s work on the cross.
How can I apply Galatians to my life?
We can apply what Paul talks about in Galatians by prioritizing pleasing God over pleasing people. And when we really think about it, pleasing God is not only more fulfilling but actually easier than trying to please people.
Think about today’s world and the cancel-culture that has so deeply permeated our mass media. Celebrities are constantly rising and falling from the public’s good graces because what the world believes and practices is constantly changing. Even public figures who are long gone from this Earth are being posthumously glorified by society, only to be vilified later. (Insert any U.S. President here.) To try to please everyone in this chaotic world is a pointless and fruitless errand.
Unlike this crazy, shifting sand of a world, God is consistent. His character is always the same. He gave us His word as a guide to his character. He gave us Jesus as an example– His son, with whom He is well-pleased. And pleasing God bears fruit, it always has and always will. When we allow the Holy Spirit to work in us, we develop the fruit of the spirit — love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.
We have to trust in Him, and trust that loving people God’s way will ultimately give us more joy and more peace than trying to please people.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13
Rachel Brei 